*Surviving Single*
In Greenville, SC, Hang on To your wallet tightly if my experiences are anything to go by. When it comes to Surviving the opposite sex, it can be a crap shoot. From the looks of my E-Mail, and from listening to my friends, it's past time we address this topic. As the World gets more chaotic, so do relationships, and Broken Relationships seem to be at higher Pandemic levels than H1N1 "Swine Flu" will ever be.
It's been said that when hard times come in the door, Love can go out the window... Sadly, sometimes that saying can be very true, especially when it seems like the world itself is teetering on the brink of insanity. Oftentimes, just when you need a partner the most, your home-life suddenly teeters on the edge as well, and then slips over the edge into the abyss of chaos, confusion, and loneliness...
I don't need the News Media to tell me that the divorce rate is climbing, I see it almost every day. I see friends and acquaintances and family taking the hits. "Been There, Done That, Lost the T-Shirt in my Divorce".
When "The Other Half" becomes "The Missing Half", it's never easy. Suddenly you find yourself alone, facing an uncertain future, your income is reduced, half your preps are probably gone, and your mind is in chaos right when you need to be focusing on preparing for the hard times that are on us (Hard times that are only getting harder, even while the Government screams "ALL IS WELL!" and "THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER", and then things DON'T get better).
As the Global Situation seems to spiral out of control, "Preparedness" is becoming "The In Thing"... Heck, Soccer Moms are getting "Survival Training" (They actually need, "Preparedness Training", but that's what We're here for ;) ) according to CNN (and my E-Mail). But many of the same circumstances that are causing "Preparedness" to become Mainstream, are also causing the stress that's leading to more Break-Ups than I've ever seen before...
They're Gone...
The emotions are the same for almost everyone during a Break-Up, even though it can feel like you're the only one in the world that's feeling them. Time and time again I listen to friends who believe that while they're at home suffering the loss of a relationship, their X is out having the time of their lives, not giving them a second thought. But that's most often not true. Most often, the "X" quickly finds out that it's a jungle out there, and wishes they'd never left home in the first place.. but by then they can't swallow their pride and ego, and they can't force themselves to simply talk things out and try harder. What a shame.
As I said, the emotions during a Break-up are Universal. Do a Google Search using Key-Words like "The Stages of Grief"... While this is most often associated with the death of a loved one, you may be surprised that when a relationship dies most people follow the same emotional patterns as when dealing with death. It makes sense though when you put it into words like I did above, and the end result is almost the same. The feelings of Anger, of Unfairness, Loneliness, Depression, etc... "Universal". I've known friends that walked outside, looked up, stretched out their arms, and tried to make deals with God. Another friend told me how she burned some of her X's hair that she found in her bathroom and "tried to make a deal with the Gods". When dealing with this type of loss, people can do some weird things.
Sometimes Separation and/or Divorce can feel even worse than the death of a loved one... at least if your X had the common decency to die, you wouldn't have to see them everywhere you go, nor would you have to deal with harassment, fear of retribution, Lawyers, Court Systems, etc
Then you talk about the Break-Up to friends and family until you're just sick of the whole subject. After a while, You feel tired even thinking about it. You're "Talked out", You're emotionally exhausted, and you just wish it was over. You get tired of wondering "What happened"? You get tired of thinking "maybe if I'd done this or that differently, we'd still be together". You start blaming yourself, even if "they" were the ones that wanted to end it... trust me, if you're identifying with any of the above, "It's probably not your fault, and the Break-Up was probably out of your control".
...And while you're dealing with all of the above, you probably AREN'T Preparing for the uncertain times that are upon us.
Personally, I do best when I'm in a relationship. Most people do. But even though it's not Politically Correct to say it, "Some people are simply messed up emotionally, and you'll never understand why they do the things they do". I'm blessed to have known some very wise people in my life, and I listen to them! My Grandmother told me once, "If you're trying to make sense of the actions of a crazy person, make sure you're being paid overtime, because that's all you'll get for the effort".
Finding a Preparedness Minded Partner:
Preparedness Minded People already have several strikes against them when it comes to finding a partner. It's hard to find a partner (Male or Female) when you'd rather talk about your Alternate Power System, or your advanced Security System, Rather than talking about "a second home in Costa Rica"...
...But one of the biggest problems Preparedness Minded People seem to have is, "Shining Armor Syndrome". Preparedness Minded People are usually "Problem Solvers" and "Fixers"; We see a problem, we fix it. If a person has problems, we jump in to help them. That Mind-Set of "Helping Others" is probably why so many Prep-Minded People have careers in the Medical Fields, Emergency Services, LEO, Teachers, etc. We tend to live our lives knowing that helping others is the right thing to do... Sadly, there's a whole 'nother breed of people out there that are "Users". They actively seek out "Fixers", and then suck them dry emotionally, physically, financially, etc. I've heard these people referred to as "Psychic Vampires".. they feed off your energy, sucking the life out of you until you have nothing left to give.
After my last Break-Up, I stuck my Shining Armor in the closet and locked it in!
(You thought I was speaking figuratively, Huh?)
A College Professor once told me "You'll find that people live just about exactly how they really want to live". She's a smart lady! People that constantly need drama and chaos in their lives aren't going to suddenly live a quiet life, and you're wasting your time trying to solve their problems. Period. I know... those people swear the chaos is out of their control, and if it would just stop, they'd love to live a quiet life... So you jump in and solve the problems, and almost immediately the users "move on", grab another handful of chaos, and start the cycle all over again with someone else. They crave chaos and the attention they get from it; They need it! These people often are emotionally dead, and for whatever reason(s), they simply can't feel emotions like Love, Happiness, Contentment, etc.. Rather than having "normal" feelings, they need "Titalation". It's about all they Can feel. What they need to "feel something", You and I would call "Having A RedNeck Brawl"... it's the raw fear/excitment of a fight or chaos that fills the void they have when lacking other emotions (and the reasons they can't/don't feel other emotions are legion). Also, very often these people see Negative Attention as being every bit as good as Positive Attention. They don't care if they get attention because you love them, or if they get attention because they're stalking you... Attention of any type is good enough.
...Keep in mind, People that tell you how bad they screwed their X's over are going to do the same to you when you become "The X". Forewarned! ...and Hang on To your Wallet tightly if my experiences with dating in the Greenville SC area are any indication of the rest of the country... The scammers and their confidence games seem to be the norm rather than the exception. You know the type; Exotic good looks, Pretending they don't need anything you have because "they're rich" (on paper).. which often just means they're bleeding red ink, making interest payments ONLY (Nothing applied toward the principal of multiple loans) on property and toys they can't afford, and they're going to try to mooch off "you" to make up the difference. Nope, They don't need a thing you have, yet suddenly they're living in your house while "you" pay all of the bills, while "you" raise other men's children (and pay their expenses, insurance, etc), while "you" do the homework with their children, while "you" pay for the vacations, and so on and so on... and all the while "the rich one" is telling everyone that "They" are paying for everything, when in fact, they aren't paying a dime, They're mooching. When it's over, they'll even have the nerve to insist that "you" owe "THEM" money by some type of twisted logic. Watch out for it Guys and gals.. it's common as dirt. When they tell you how horrible their X is/was, YOU'LL be getting the same bad-mouthing from them to someone else when they decide to move on.
And Guys, if you think it's rough out there on men, keep in mind that there is "A Man Shortage". On top of there being a shortage of men looking for commitment, try "promoting yourself" to a potential partner while also having a few children to bring along with the deal. Try being a 35+ Year Old female and competing with 25-30 Year Olds who are chasing their 40+ YO Husbands, and then vying for the same small pool of men when the Woman finds herself divorced. Oh yeah, I listen to the female friends going through Separations and Divorces too.
The Man Shortage
I first noticed the "Man Shortage" at a party when a cute little 25YO girl hung wide-eyed on my every word... giggling at the stupidest things I said... This type of thing happened several times within a few weeks... When I realized what was going on, I started talking to friends about it, and was informed, "Yeah, you can write your own ticket nowadays bro"... WTF??? What happened while I was out of the Single Scene? Lord, My oldest daughter is almost that age! However, to be honest, I couldn't bring myself to actually say "I'm old enough to be your father" ;)
There was a special last year on MSN about Men who wouldn't date the same women twice. At first they had a very Attractive, Professional, Woman in the studio talking about the lack of men that would date women more than once, much less even entertain the thought of committing to a serious relationship. The lady was petite, in great shape, well dressed and groomed, educated, professional, etc... and even where she lived in Atlanta, it had been several years since she'd had a man ask her out a second time. I immediately thought, "Oh Yeah! There's a reason for that! She's probably some sort of psycho!" But I have a friend that knows her, and he says if he were single, he'd be dating her!
Let me interject one of my own experiences here... I went out with a girl a couple of years back that had Never finished a date! At the restaurant I got up to go to the restroom, and her face fell... later she told me that usually men left the table and didn't come back! She usually even got stuck with the bill! She wasn't weird, and she wasn't ugly, but then again she wasn't "Stunning" either.. but, C'mon guys... what's up with that kind of behavior???
Anyway, back to the MSN special... It gets better (or worse)... After the Lady has her say, The MSN Crew Then brings out "An Eligible Bachelor" to tell his side of why he doesn't date the same woman twice. He made the point that for many years, women had sucked men dry in divorces, "Trapped them" by flushing birth control pills down the toilet, etc (Hey, his words, not mine!). But the kicker was, this guy weighed in at about 300 pounds of pure flab, and showed up on TV looking like he hadn't even bothered to bathe in a few days! If he'd so much as seen the sun in the last year, you couldn't tell it... yet there he sat, talking about why he never dated the same woman twice... and as I sat there thinking "Awww, This guy is full of crap... Who would date THAT?", the Woman in the studio with him got angry and started saying things like "So what's wrong with ME? *I* wouldn't trap you, *I* wouldn't take your money, I have my own money!"...
