*Toilet Paper Alternatives*
By: Raine
16 April 2005

Toilet paper is one of those things that everyone uses, but you never seem to have when you really need. This came up at work one night (gotta love graveyard shift boredom), and it sounded like the makings of an article, so I took some notes.
Here's what we came up with:

Baby wipes - the best, but if you have them, you probably have TP
Napkins/tissues - more likely to have them on hand, but they're not that great
Leaves - some are ok (maple's good), half dry is best - not slick or crumbly
Moss - not too bad, but watch for bugs (esp. redbugs)
Sand - works, but is a PITA & leaves grit
Dirt/earth - Better than sand, cleans about the same & doesn't leave grit
Seashells - make sure they're smooth & they work - gets rid of the sand, too
Snow - cold, but efficient
Rags - would be a waste to dispose of & just seems nasty to have to clean & reuse
Clothing- see above, but a bandana, sock, or whatever would work in a pinch
Grass or hay - not very good "loose", but ok when balled up
Corn husks - I dunno why these weren't used instead of cobs
Flat sticks - I wouldn't wanna scrape with one, but a coworker says he's done it :-\
Seaweed - not very good - if wet, it's all slimy - if dry, sand sticks and is abrasive
Frayed rope - soft, but not something you're likely to have around unless on a ship
Newspapers/catalogs/phone books - not that good & newsprint will rub off
Your hand - common in some parts of the world (then washed!), but ewww
Coconut shells - fuzzy side out is ok, but they're not find in many places
Sponge - a damp sponge or a loofah works great, if you have them around
Stones - they work, just make sure they're smooth
Feathers - maybe if you have ostriches, but most are to small/slick
Bark - works ok, but no matter how "papery" it looks, still feels pretty rough
This list - or other "junk" papers or receipts - ok if paper is worn, not good if newer
Going in the river - might get ya clean, but dead from disease - DON'T DO IT
Toilet paper - just take some off the roll & stash it in your BOB or car, it's easiest

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